Weekly Topic Saturday #18: Leave People Where They Are (Part 2)
Welcome to Weekly Topic Saturdays!
Hello all, I pray that your week was filled with joy and love. Welcome back to those who have been with me here at A Golden Dream. For my first-timers, a great big hello there, if you haven't already please check out my previous posts when you get a chance.
Please don't hesitate to join the conversation, there are no right or wrong answers or questions. I'm not proclaiming to know everything, I am simply just discussing and picking topics on things that I personally have gone through and that I know would help someone.
Hey Golden Family,
This week on our Motivational Monday #18: Meet People Where They Are At, we talked about what it means to meet people where they are and what that actually looks like. We discussed paying attention to the actions of others, how they handle communication and problems even if our approach is different or opposite to theirs. This brings us to this week's Weekly Topic Saturday, Leave People Where They Are At.
This year alone has been an emotional one with some really amazing highs but some really depressing lows. I came across Meeting and also Leaving People Where They Are, at the tail end of last year and it has continued since then. I pondered these two notions when I was in my phases of self-discovery, self-healing, and self-love.
I had come to the realization that a lot of people that were in my corner, and in my inner circle were in a place that they had no business being in. They were taking up too much energy, and too much space; it was so much so that I continually felt drained, depleted, and weak in energy.
Has anyone felt that way?
Has anyone been around people that are energy suckers?
They literally drain every ounce of goodness in you.
As I was sitting in my apartment, thinking over my life, I realized that I unknowingly let people invade my space and cross personal boundaries. These Invaders took up residence that was to be occupied by someone else, they would have filled it with what I really needed, wanted, and what I am looking for.
So instead, with blind eyes, I missed the mark. I missed the invasion and these people got comfortable and then wondered why I was so stressed, drained, and weak. Couldn't even realize it was them because they had been there so long and I got familiar with the pain and adjusted to the discomfort.
I saw this amazing analogy of "The Boiling Frog Theory". There was a two-part experiment done where they dropped a live frog in boiling hot water, and logically the frog hopped right out of the water. In part two of this experiment, they placed another frog in water that was a comfortable temperature, but this time they occasionally increased the water’s temperature until the water began to boil. This resulted in the frog adjusting to its environment and ended up cooking himself alive.
Will You Jump or Adjust?
If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
We all are running our own personal race in life. We all will eventually have to face obstacles that we will either have to run through or jump over. We have to overcome these hurdles and in order to do that, we have to take the time to care for them correctly. If a horizontal bar falls when we are hurdling over it then we have to stop, assess, and try again. The moment we keep going we will become distracted by the mishap and soon lose momentum later in the race.
This brings us to Leaving People Where They Are.
You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him.
One of my personal hurdles (I'm in my race) was when I was faced with a situation where I was not getting what I needed from this particular person (That's the hurdle, that fell down) and I did everything in my power to express to them how I was feeling, what I wanted, and how they made me feel (This is me acknowledging the hurdle, and bring attention to said person). I had several conversations, wrote them several letters, and initiated more times than I cared to. What made this tough was that this person was someone who means a great deal to me but my peace means more at the end of the day.
In the midst of that situation they continued to show no signs of interest nor did they put in any effort towards improving our relationship. With that being said Leaving people where they are, is putting yourself first.
After I have met you where you were at, helped you as much as I can, know that I am leaving you where you are if you jeopardize my happiness and my progress. If your weight is imperiling me and keeping me from living my best life, I am going to have to leave you where you are at. That does not necessarily mean that I am abandoning or excluding you from my life. It does not mean that I am disowning you, and it does not mean that I don’t love you. It just means that until you are able to run on your own and understand my point of view, I am going to protect my peace at all costs.
It is not my responsibility to babysit other people's insecurities. I am not obligated to slow down my bloom so that they can be at a place where they are comfortable. My growth is far too important to dim the light within myself for someone who is still trying to find their own.
So I am going to leave you where you are and when you are ready to grow, pick up the pace, and run to pass the baton, then you’ll know where you can find me.
Leaving people where they are works well with people who are toxic. It works well with people that are on autopilot and are unsure of what direction they want to take. It works well with discerning who is for and against you. It helps when determining who to keep close within your inner circle.
You can help them as much as you can, but if you are putting in more of the effort to help them, then they are. You will have to leave them where they are until they are able to figure out what they want to do for themselves. It doesn’t have to be completely 50/50 all of the time, because sometimes in certain situations all they may be able to give is 20% which means that you will have to make up the other 80%. So long as they are putting in their best effort to get back on track. It just can’t be one-sided. We can't be the ones putting in all the work, all the time.
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Questions To Consider:
Are you people-pleasing?
What is the hardest part for you, Meeting People Where They Are or Leaving People Where They Are?
If it meant giving up a family member or friend would you do it for the sake of your own peace and happiness?
Are you sitting in the pain or are you adjusting to the discomfort?
Are you afraid to let go of people that are hurting you EVEN if they’re close?
With Love, Don’t get comfortable with how people love and treat you if it is causing you to suffer in the process. Don’t adjust to the pain, because it will cause more damage. You have a say so and the right to decide how you want to be loved. If the way that they are “treating” or “loving” you is toxic to YOU, then it becomes YOUR right and YOUR responsibility to leave at any given moment.
Hi Golden Family, please check out the website because we are having our 1st Annual Holiday Giveaway!! Winners will be announced on our A Golden Dream Instagram page.
So please check out the 4 easy steps that one must take in order to enroll in the giveaway and partake in the winnings. Prizes will kick off every Sunday, starting on December 13th, 2020- January 3rd at 8:30 pm.
Trust me some of you are closer than you think to winning!
~Just Breathe...A Golden Dream~