Trust VS. Mistrust: Moments of Transparency
What Are Moments of Transparency Posts?
When I think of moments of transparency, I think of moments of clarity. Think about it like a lightbulb going off. Being transparent or having transparency in the physical sense means that light is allowed to pass through so that objects behind can be distinctly seen and easily detected. Transparency is also an approach to communication where a person shares their thoughts, feelings, emotions, and opinions openly and honestly. That is what I am doing here, I want to give you guys my experiences in the moment where the Word of God, and these life situations collide, turning on the lightbulb and creating revelation. These moments of transparency are unexpected and are almost always hindsight. Join me as I go through the moments of clarity, who knows maybe my moment of transparency will trigger yours.
Hey, my Dreamers, this post is definitely unexpected and far from our series posting agenda, but I think that it is so important to share these moments when they happen. It touched me, my prayer and my hope for this post is the same as all my posts, I hope that it reaches out and touches one of you. I know that it has been a while since my last Moment of Transparency but hang in there with me I would like to share what God has placed on my heart while I was at work! Let’s dive in.
Today was like any other day, working as a nanny, I came to work, hanging out with my 5-month-old little buddy. As I'm about to put him down for his nap he begins to get very fussy. His fussiness intrigues me as to why because he is excellent at self-soothing himself. After 10 minutes of screaming, crying, patting, rocking, and resetting him I began to evaluate what else could be the problem. I went down that same mental checklist that all other nannies and parents go down when their child appears or seems inconsolable to see if there was something that I may have missed. My buddy's diaper is clean, check, he’s not hungry as he had just eaten, check, check, and check. Every soothing technique that I could think of came to mind and nothing seemed to do it. By now it was going on for about 30 minutes and he was still crying, his parents, hearing all of the commotion, came in to assess the situation and agreed that what I had been doing would be the same thing they would do also. This let me know and further confirmed that I had covered all of my bases.
I told the parents that we were in an extinction burst. For those that do not know an extinction burst is a behavioral term used to describe an unpleasant behavior from a child that appears out of nowhere after being dormant for a long while, it usually worsens before it gets better and must be handled immediately. Otherwise, this period of extinction burst will continue until some drastic measures have been made and put into place to get rid of the behavior or abruptly stop the behavior before it progressively continues. Extinction bursts are usually most common in sleep training, especially in the first 18 months of a baby's life.
So, I was assuring the parents that we have done all we can do, we have checked every box, remember that my little buddy knows how to self-soothe, so what we do now is critical. I told the parents that we are strengthening his trust skills. He needs to be able to soothe himself knowing and trusting that his caregiver and parents are near and that he is safe.
Psychologist Erik Erikson’s Eight Stages of Psychosocial Development agrees with this same teaching in establishing trust versus mistrust.
Stay with me please, I’m making my point in all this. From birth to elderly the human brain goes through many different types of stages throughout life. The first stage we ALL go through is the Trust VS. Mistrust stage. For the first 18 months, the child will go through psychosocial crises that either will or will not have a positive or negative effect on their personal development.
In this stage, parents should be grooming their child’s developmental skills like hope. Hope is a strong skill to develop. The Bible says, [May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the holy spirit Romans 15:13]. I’m not trying to get too deep but I want you to see this. We have to strengthen our hope because hope evolves into trust, and trust pushes us into purpose.
So, back to my storytime, before I forget, the whole end goal of this phase is to establish trust. Instilling the trust that even if I’m gone and you don't see me or feel me that I am still here. I’m still watching you on the baby monitor, we still care.
We establish trust by being consistent when they cry or show signs of distress. Grooming trust during the midst of fussy spells is giving them a warm bath, walking them around, co-sleeping, talking to them when fussy, breastfeeding/bottle, and singing to them. Trust comes in many ways or forms once they are conditioned to grooming then they can use what you have taught them in that process as a means to soothe themselves.
Consistency is key. When we are inconsistent or unreliable with grooming to the needs of the baby, the child will fail this phase and fall into mistrust and that leads to insecurities and fear in the next stage of a baby’s life.
But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.
After an hour of a fussy spell, we were approaching my little buddies’ next feeding time I made the conscious decision to thug it out and pick him up, take him for a walk outside, and distract him. I wanted to keep his attention on other things so that at the proper time he can soothe himself. I fed him and made sure that he did not fall asleep on the bottle. This was another critical part.
After burping him and keeping him upright for 15 minutes my little buddy was exhausted. I wanted to make sure that he was still awake when I laid him in the crib. I walked out and hulk smash ran to his baby monitor to see what would happen. Within a matter of minutes, he self-soothed and cooed himself to sleep.
Moral of the Story
As Christians, disciples of Christ, or someone who is just trying to learn more and more about God, we have to develop and strengthen our trust in God. There are some people that are 15, 25, 40, 61, and even 88 years old and that cannot trust worth anything! It’s me, I am some people. HAHA! I’m speaking to myself and to you, on God's revelation on today. Be sure to start the grooming process to establish your faith in God. Do not fail in mistrust, but if you do, pick up the piece of yourself and mend them back together with God’s grace.
If you can’t pray, don’t know how to pray, or are nervous about praying out loud then grab some paper and a pen and write to him. I wrote until I started feeling comfortable enough to say it out loud.
Reading the Word
If you are unsure of where to start in the bible, start in psalms like I did. Learn about King David and how he consistently prayed to God. He prayed every day even when he didn’t feel God’s presence. King David still prayed and his prayer life reflected that praise.
Father, I come to you right now in times of uncertainty. Father your word says you love us and soothe us with eternal comfort and good hope. Continue to encourage our hearts and give us strength to fight the good fight. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17. Father, help us put on the full armor of God to protect us from the schemes of our adversary. To put on the helmet of salvation, to know our worth in this wicked world. Let us be able to rejoice in the comfort of your own hands. Let us be still and know that you are God in the moments of our fussy fits. Give us Holy Clap Backs to remind us that even though we may be in a season of isolation where you are distant, in my mind I know, without a shadow of a doubt, you are with me looking upon my life. You're still watching me, and you still care. Give us the opportunity to start or replenish our grooming process with you. For you are the Lord my God. In Jesus’ name, Amen to us all.
Questions to Consider
Ask these questions to yourself, and ask God to help you find clarity.
Do I have times when I am fussy? When nothing may be the matter but, I just feel off. Am I need of God’s comfort?
Do I trust God fully?
What are my grooming trust techniques when it comes to trusting God? Do I pray? Do I read my word?
Do I have hope?
Am I consistent and reliable with God?
Can God trust me in with what he wants for me to do?
Have a fallen into Mistrust?