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An Inside Job: Moments of Transparency

Updated: Dec 15, 2023




Hello Golden Dreamers,


Long time, no here from, I know. It has indeed been a long while, a little over a year since posting my last post, and boy, do I have an update for you. There are a few things that I want to discuss before getting into the meat of this post.


One, this year has been a challenging one. God was most definitely working on me in areas that needed mending, decluttering, reorganizing, and just plainly needed to be thrown away. This year was about growing and leaning on my faith, through everything and anything. It was about learning more about God and trusting Him, and only Him through the process. 


 Before I started this blog, I asked God, "Father I want to help others with what you have given and taught me. I want you at the center of all my writings, content, and publications. I never want to lose sight of why I'm doing this. I want to be led to write for You, that way I know it has your seal of approval to be sent out to the world for people to read." I prayed that prayer and still stand 10 toes down on it today. God took that prayer to heart, as He definitely should, and I went through a season of being tested on just that simple prayer alone.


 You will never catch me posting frivolous content or writing material to stay relevant or to stay up on what’s trendy. I never intended for A Golden Dream to operate in that capacity, nor do I want to. I want to be intentional about how and when I write and establish my content. I want to be effective and purposeful in my approach. Ironically, this is why the long sabbatical from posting. 


Storytime:

It’s not that I lost interest or was unfocused. It wasn’t writer’s block or anything of the sort. God finally revealed to me (in His timing) what He was up to because it took me too long to figure it out myself. For 11 months, I had been earnestly waiting for God to reveal to me what to write next after The War Series: Dressed To Kill. Week after week, month after month, I waited patiently for something, anything; but nothing was happening.


Furthermore, throughout these 11 months, I also was going through some health issues and could not shake off this sense of procrastination. It felt like I was procrastinating with alot of things in my life (like A Golden Dream, my social life, taking care of myself and well-being, and just simple things) but in my mind I was eager to do them, it was my body that was slowing down the process and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure this out. I felt stuck. I wanted to write and do things I knew I needed to do, but I literally could not do them. This went on from January to Oct 31st, 2023, 11 months of struggling internally.


After Halloween, ironically, I endured a state of complete sadness for almost 2 weeks. Every day, practically all day, I was crying, and each day progressively worsened. I couldn’t control it, I just felt through it. I wasn’t hopeless or severely depressed, but just..so..sad! My mind was running 100 miles an hour, I could not, literally do anything other than live. Woke up, got dressed, went to work, came home, and did it all over again. I was overwhelmed with sadness. Throughout this period of sadness, the only thing that was keeping my head above water was each day on my lunch break at work, I would be in the Word. I was listening to sermons on YouTube and taking notes. Faithfully, I stayed in the Word like never before. Granted I’m always in the Word, but y’all this was different, it was like I was searching for something that I didn’t know I needed. I had an overwhelming thirst that couldn't be quenched.   


For 7 days, that was my routine. I finished a sermon by Dr Anita Phillips called Good Ground on November 7th. Once I finished the series and wrote the last of my notes, right then and there, I was uncontrollably sobbing. Crying because God is just so good, crying because finally, God revealed Himself to me. Right there at work, at a desk, alone, bible open, notes scattered, thanking God for the release. God began to flood me with wisdom and knowledge. So much so that I couldn’t catch all of it. November 8th, God released me. Over the remaining week, I was in intense writing. Being flooded with insight, and divine revelation about myself, my family, and my calling. Never in my life have I experienced something of that magnitude. 


What are you trying to say Sherronda?


I want to say this, Two, It took me 11 months to figure out that God had moved and that I wasn’t with Him when He moved. We all are walking with God, even when we don’t know it, we are still walking with Him. The moment God moved, I should have been able to know that He had moved and to immediately follow Him accordingly. 


Okay, so how did/do you know when God is moving and when to follow?


Well, I’m glad you asked! Through prayer! I was praying to God, don’t get me wrong, but truthfully, not as often as I hoped and wanted. If I had been praying and fasting more often to God, then I would have noticed something was off and in that moment God would have informed me of a few things. He would have told me, “My daughter, you are about to enter in a season where you will need to be near me ever so closely. I need for you be know that I am your God. To be in tune with me so accurately that if and when you are out of alignment you will expeditiously adjust yourself. Listen to me, You will be triggered, provoked, and become frustrated with people. Things and situations will come at you that you have no control over and they will come when you least expect them, furthermore, I need you to mind your character and respond intentionally when they come. I will need for you to be fasting and praying intently not only for you, but the people around you, for your friends, family, and church. Your heavenly assignments and calling will be tested. This will be a season of fasting and praying because I need to fix some things on the inside of you in order for me to open the doors I have for you. The things I will prune from you will hurt but they can not follow you through this upcoming threshold. Assemble accordingly.” 


If only I had been in intense prayer, to hear my Father’s instruction, to hear His plea for me, but instead without knowing, I began living without paying attention spiritually. This is why prayer is so important. Prayer tethers us to our lifeline, to our source of strength and power. Yes, I was reading the Word, yes, I was studying the Word, and I even led a month’s bible study on the thing that I wasn’t doing earnestly, Praying!!! Like Sherronda come on girl!! The crazy part is, he was God was waking me up in the middle of the night to pray but I literally didn’t know what was happening nor that it was Him!


God has taught me that, he will not teach to me in the same way as my last season or test. He will drag you into season after season with His grace on you just to build up where you are lacking. Pay Attention People!!


Tsk Tsk Tsk, Obedience is better than sacrifice. Yes, Lord, it is! I was doing what I was supposed to do, but I needed to pray more and it cost me 11 months. If we desire Godly presence then we need a Godly prayer life to match. We cannot be on a part-time prayer life with a full-time devil. No ma’am! No sir!


 I want to expose my flaws and be super super transparent. Be the light in your life that you wish to see. Let people see your light by connecting to your light source. When we abide in the Father, the Father abides in us. We lose time, energy, and the ability to operate in our calling when we are not connected properly. I lost 11 months without being properly connected, and it took me almost 2 weeks to figure it out with the help of God. One thing, I love love love about God is that when we mess up or make a mistake, or when we simply just don’t know, he still uses it all for our good. He loves us that much to discipline and teach His people. I am so grateful for the journey and the insight of it all. For I know that God is still pleased with me.


 How much time have you lost?

 You do not have to suffer in silence.   


One of the many revelations that God revealed to me was that I was heavily dependent on the community and village that was orchestrated for me by God. Years ago, I asked for spiritual parents, mentors, and leaders to help me, and mold me. He blessed me with my Pastor and 1st Lady of my church. I prayed and longed for sisterhood and friendship, God answered my request with two beautiful soul sisters who are my rough riders in Christ. I was so dependent on them, that I never thought to check with God so He could approve things. 


The very thing I asked for, I became dependent on. Now, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be dependent on friends, family, and mentors sometimes, I’m clearly saying that whatever you do in your life, always take it to God FIRST and check with Him. God has to green-light it, for you to operate in it! Without God, we can’t do anything! I never considered checking with God because my village is so solid. God did His thang with my village. I love them! [Hey y'all], But God said, “Yeah, that maybe so, but I still get the last word over anything and everything.” I learned this lesson the hard way. 


 

Golden Nuggets/ Things to Consider:

  • Your productivity will be cut off if God is trying to get your attention. When I tell you I couldn’t write but wanted to write, it was a struggle. The very thing I wanted to do, I couldn’t do because God had to fix some things within me. 

  • Your heart posture is God’s main concern. The heart tells the body what to do. If the heart is off then so are the mind and body. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Pay attention to people's actions, which will expose their heart posture.

  • Codependency in people and things won’t work. Be fully dependent on God and God alone. Talk to Him, He is always there and always listening. Just be still!

  • Pause; but never quit. If I had quit through this season of my life and struggle, I would have never found the end. Despite what it looks like keep going. Keep reading your Word, keep fasting, and studying, but most of all NEVER STOP PRAYING!

  • It’s always good to be absent to gain spiritual wisdom. Revelation is for you but also for others. I pray this Moment of Transparency touches the hearts of those who need it. Some things we go through are not for us but for other people. God bless it!

  • Deliverance is getting an understanding. I need to understand what's going on in my life. What’s in my heart? What are my triggers? What is the root of my anger and trauma?


 

  1. Do I have a codependent heart?

  2. Do I know the condition of my heart posture

  3. How is my prayer life? Does it need fixing? Tuning? Igniting?

  4. What has God asked of me that I am not doing as of yet?

  5. How is my productivity? Am I operating in my calling and spiritual gifts?

  6. Am I growing where I am planted?



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