Welcome to Motivational Mondays!
First things first, what is Motivational Mondays?
Just like it sounds, to motivate, to empower, and to encourage you on the first day of a fresh week. I don't know about you but Mondays can be a drag for me, so sometimes words of encouragement and positivity are helpful to start my day off right.
Motivational Monday's Topic is: Facing Confrontation
At some point in our lives, we will all face some kind of confrontation with others. Some will be more challenging or complicated than others. Personally, I tend to stay out of the drama, but I have had my fair share of confrontations in the past.
What I have learned is that I can only control my response and how well I handle myself. Self-control is key in confrontation. Can you conduct yourself in a pleasant fashion, even if the situation is far from it? The bible, in fact, says we are allowed to get upset and be angry but it also says to sin not.
And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.
When facing confrontation, we should always be open-minded, honest, truthful, and kind. This was extremely difficult for me because I have a slick mouth and an even slicker face. If I am just being honest. LOL. It takes a lot to get me upset but when I'm upset my tone and demeanor changes. If you hurt me then I hurt you. If you step on my toes then guess what, get ready to get your feelings hurt because I got something for you. Try Jesus, don't try me!
Does this sound like you?
Does this sound like God?
This was my way of thinking and my approach, but when you know better, you have to do better. Fighting fire with fire does not put out the flames but, a passive stillness or passive response just might do the trick.
Going into situations with that mentality is the incorrect way of doing it. Yes, it is hard especially when people upset you but you can only control yourself and how it affects you. I'm still learning this lesson myself and it's taking all my self-control to be aligned with what the Word says.
What You Shouldn’t Do In Confrontation
1. Never Gaslight Someone Else's Feelings
Gaslighting by definition is a form of psychological abuse where a person or group makes someone question their sanity, perception of reality, or memories. People experiencing gaslighting often feel confused, anxious, and unable to trust themselves.
2. Already Be in a Negative Mindset
If you already enter the conversation with a negative attitude then you have already lost. Nothing good comes from being and thinking negatively.
“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he”
3. Never Over Talk the Other Person
Overtalking is considered rude. When you overtalk the other person you are not listening to a word they are saying. Your point matters over there's, and that’s not how we should handle things. Both parties should be given the opportunity to express themselves fully with the chance of being heard and understood.
4. Have a Defensive Attitude
When facing a difficult conversation, confrontation, or situation having a defensive posture or attitude is a no-no. This is a clear indication of where your priorities lie when it comes to facing a confrontation. Are you there potentially to fight, and argue, or heal from your transgressions?
5. Never Assume
Always ask for clarity. Even if it is a simple question you may possibly know the answer to. Ask the person anyways. When we start assuming on behalf of the other person or we come up with ideas that we think happened, we then begin to create a false narrative. A false narrative is a story that you perceive as being true but has little basis in reality.
6. Never Think Your Viewpoint Is the Only One That Matters
In a confrontation, there are always three sides to a story. Yours, Theirs, and the truth. Never think you are always right.
7. Never Play The Victim or Blame Things On Others
This has a lot to do with accountability. Most people don’t like being accountable for anything they do so instead they push it on other people and use them as the scapegoat. This is dangerous to do, but it can be broken. It's important to value what the other person might feel even if you do not agree. Taking ownership of what contributed to your fallouts and transgressions is half the battle.
These are the things that have helped me when facing confrontations.
1. Pray to God first
I remember when I was at my hometown church in Fayetteville, NC, and I needed to talk with my Pastor and 1st Lady about something serious. Before sitting down to discuss the issue we gathered together and said a prayer to God. In the prayer, we prayed for understanding, clarity, a solution, and self-control. As I got older I appreciated them for setting a standard of how we should also go to God in prayer before doing anything.
2. The Way You Speak Is Everything
You must care enough to speak in a tone that comes from a place of love, kindness, and honesty. It's not called the fruits of the Spirit for nothing. We have to be sweet but honest in what we are saying. Speaking gently is key even when the information you are about to bring is hard to hear.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
b. Solomon mentioned in the bible that an honest answer is a sign of true friendship. I wouldn't want people around me to lie and tell me what I want to hear, I want the truth even if it hurts my feelings. Wouldn't you?
3. How to Handle Psychological Punches
In some cases, people will bring to your attention some disheartening news that can make you feel hurt, ashamed or shocked. The news itself feels like physical punches but really they're psychological because they're hard to mentally process. Most of the time when people bring you news like that it's usually out the blue and it catches you off guard. One way to combat psychological punches is by keeping an open mind and processing it in your own time.
Don't interrupt the person who has the issue. Listen intently and WAIT your turn.
4. Learn to Actively Listen Properly.
Active listening is super important and not many people know how to do it effectively or efficiently. It requires the listener to fully concentrate, understand, respond and then remember what is being said.
Listen thoroughly to what there saying and stop thinking about what you are going to say next. You cannot process what they are telling you if you don't.
Clarification is key. Be sure to ask questions about the other person's story so that you can further understand without making it about you.
Then repeat it back, so that they know you were actually listening and comprehending, and it validates what is true. You can use phrases like "So what I hear you saying is…", or "Correct me if I am wrong…"
Then you have completed active listening effectively.
5. Express Empathy and Compassion
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
Compassion motivates people to go out of their way to help the physical, mental, or emotional pains of another and themselves.
When going into confrontation we should not have a me me me mentality. Yes, remember your self-worth and know when you have had enough but we should also express empathy and compassion to others. It's hard, yes, especially when the other person is not expressing it themselves but you can only control yourself and hope they will learn in time.
6. Positive Mindset
Go into the situation with the intention of a positive outcome. Expect the best out of the situation and you will be more receptive in the end. Remember that the mind is a very powerful thing that can play a major role in our perception of things. Do not let your mind overpower the truth in the matter. Focus on the positives.
7. Seek To Understand rather To Be Understood
Try not to interrupt the other person, allow them to speak freely and openly about the situation because when you do they will reveal more about how they are truly feeling subconsciously.
Having Proper Communication Skills. We have to start communicating and articulating what we are feeling, what we want, and what is wrong. Ignoring the issue does not work, and eventually will eat at you.
We have to recognize and realize when we should and should not speak. We cannot overtalk and interrupt others, this only proves you are not listening and have bad manners.
Change your approach and response. Say things like this:
I want to hear from you?
I want to understand?
I want to know what was happening when I was unaware and unconscious of the situation.
What can I do next time that will help?
Approaching your confrontations with this approach can and will change your outcome. We have to seek to understand first. All of these things have helped me a great deal and some I am still working on. This is a continuous process, but make sure you are giving yourself time and credit as well. We should get to a point in our lives where we are able to withstand someone else's truth no matter how hard, or difficult it may be and be willing to be empathic.
I hope these tips have helped you, they surely have helped me. Let me know in the comments what you think and if some of these tips your willing to try yourself.
**I hope everyone has a safe and blessed week and I will see you all on Saturday for our Weekly Topic Saturdays**
~Just Breathe...A Golden Dream~